Animals Jokes: What A Great Act !!

A drunk is sitting at a bar, and says, "Bartender! Another drink." The bartender shakes his head and says, "No you've had enough."
"Well," the drunk says. "How about if I show you something really cool? Then will you give me a drink?"
"Sure," the bartender says. "But it's gotta be pretty cool."
The drunk takes a tiny piano and a frog out of his pockets and sets them on the bar. The frog starts banging away, playing a beautiful song. The bartender gives him a drink. The drunk downs it, and orders another.
"No way," the bartender says. "Now you've really had enough."
"If you give me a drink, I'll show you something even cooler," says the drunk. The bartender agrees. The drunk pulls out a rat, and sets it next to the piano. The frog starts banging away again, and the rat starts singing to the music. The bartender is amazed, and gives him another drink.
A man who had been watching all this comes up to the drunk and says, "You've got a million dollar act there. I'll give you $500,000 for them right now."
"Not for sale," the drunk croaks.
"Ok, $500,000 just for the frog."
"Not for sale."
"Ok, $500,000 just for the rat."
The drunk agrees, and the man pays him and leaves.
The bartender says to the drunk, "What did you do that for? You broke up a million dollar act!"
"Not really," the drunk says. "You see, the frog's a ventriloquist."

Animals Jokes: Two Angry Neighbors

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.

So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.

Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.

'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.

Animals Jokes: These Chickens Want Books

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.

She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

Animals Jokes: The Preacher Buys A Parrot

A preacher is buying a parrot.

"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.