tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58886668680221574742012-01-08T10:16:34.498-08:00Short SMS Jokes provides really funny jokes, clean short funny jokes, Short SMS Jokes, hilarious jokes, Cricket Jokes, Friendship SMS Shayari, Romantic Shayaris, political jokes, Indian jokes, free jokes and clean SMS.Funny Jokeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02902126657975086254noreply@blogger.comBlogger23311100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888666868022157474.post-37305653224808302002011-06-01T14:00:00.000-07:002011-06-01T14:00:00.451-07:00

A drunk is sitting at a bar, and says, "Bartender! Another drink." The bartender shakes his head and says, "No you've had enough.""Well," the drunk says. "How about if I show you something really cool? Then will you give me a drink?""Sure," the bartender says. "But it's gotta be pretty cool."The drunk takes a tiny piano and a frog out of his pockets and sets them on the bar. The frog starts

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Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.Bob

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A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives

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A preacher is buying a parrot."Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher."Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him."Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.""Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?

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There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock.But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur.So the next day the

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1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.6. The alligator in the Reptiles

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Q: What has four legs and an arm?A: A happy pit bull.Q: Why is a tree like a dog?A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.Q: What is the difference between a rottweiler and a social worker?A: It is easier to get your kids back from a rotweiler!Q: Did you hear about the

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Dead MonkeyHow did the dead Monkey cross the road?He was stapled to the chicken.Fourth monkey fall out of treeWhy did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?Because he thought it was a game.Monkey fall out of treeWhy did the monkey fall out of the tree?Because he was dead.Second monkey fall out of treeWhy did the second money fall out of the tree?Because he was dead.Third monkey fall out of

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Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the "Cat and Duck Method" of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a great deal of merit by those who have not tried it. No reports

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INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat

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What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?Sir.

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Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!""Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast,"

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Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate

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A frog telephoned the psychic hot line and was told, “you are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”The frog said, “That’s great! will I meet her at a party, or what?”“No,” said the psychic, “next term…in her biology class.”

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On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a coke, you cow!"The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another coke dogface!"Quite upset, the

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9. E-mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.7. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna.5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of "CyberDog."4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.3. You

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A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?""Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?""Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him...""What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?""Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"

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A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, "Who is it?"He replied, "It's the

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Two guys are on duty at a French Foreign Legion fort. One says to the other one, "See that camel over there? I'll bet you I can make him jump 30 feet in the air.The other guy says no way.So, the first guy walks around to the back of the camel with two bricks. Reaches in between the camel's legs and crashes the bricks together. Camel jumps 30 feet in the air.A couple of days later the first guy

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There's this fellow with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But

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Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?A: To get to the Shell station!Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?A: To invent the other side.Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?A: To corrupt the other side.Q: Why did the chicken IRS representative cross the road?A: To bankrupt the other side.Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?A: To get to the car accident on the other side.Q

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Frog on the psychic hotlineA frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?", "No," says the psychic. "Next term in her biology lesson."Frog parked illegallyWhat happened to the frog when he parked illegallyHe got toad away.Frog's

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As big as an elephantWhat's as big as an elephant, but doesn't weigh anything?His shadow.Difference between an elephant and a Greek grandmoWhat is the difference between an elephant and a Greek grandmother?Ten pounds and a moustache.Elephant and the naked manWhat did the elephant say to the naked man?It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?Elephant at the dentistWhy did the elephant go to

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A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."The guy says OK, and drives away.The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I

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A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.The owner of the restaurant says, “Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don’t understand.”The panda says, “Look it up in the dictionary,” and walks out of the door.So the owner

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This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his

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Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?""No," says the psychic. "Next

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Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?""No," says the psychic. "Next

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Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your

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A little old lady was in the kitchen one day, washing the dishes when suddenly a little genie appeared beside her."You've led a long and good life" the genie said, "I have come to reward you by granting you three wishes. Ask for anything you want and I will make it happen."The old lady was surprised but cynical. Not really believing that anything would happen she decided to play along for a

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A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in

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A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out how the magician made everything in the act disappear. The parrot got bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot could figure out. One night in the middle of the magician's performance, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone drowned

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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be."They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster."No," said another, "he's just for good luck."A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to

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After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store,

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(In Hindi Language, An Indian Language)A sher is getting married in jungle. There is a big bash and all animals are dancing to the tune of loud music being played.In a corner a chooha too is dancing.He is asked, “Are bhai choohe, aap kyu nach rahe ho?”“Mere chote bhai ki shadi hai…Nachunga Nahin?”“Sher kabse aapka bhai hone laga?”“Shadi se pehle main bhi sher tha!”, replied chooha.

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A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon

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What do you call a Fly with no wings or legs?A roll.

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How can you tell if an elephant is in your fridge?The door won't shut.

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A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.He explained that he went over to the cow

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What do you call bears with no ears?B.

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In North Carolina, it is against the law to use elephants to plow cotton fields.In New York City, one is forbidden from shooting rabbits from the back end of a Third Avenue streetcar when it is moving.In Kansas, people cannot shoot rabbits while in a motorboat.In Statesville, North Carolina, it is against the law to race rabbits in the streets.In Tuscumbia, Alabama, no more than eight rabbits can

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A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film. It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny seen the dog starts laughing. A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying.This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places. A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out.In the foyer,

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This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food.Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (

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Two sheep in a field, one says, "Baaaaaaaa!"The other says, "Damn! I was just going to say that!"

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Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."

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A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired."They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'""That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I

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On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the man awoke to

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Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte

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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone.I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call

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A penguin walks into a barA penguin walks into a bar and says to to the barman "Have you seen my brother?" ...and the barman replies "No, what does he look like?"Weather in the arcticHow does a Penguin find the weather at the Arctic?He just looks outside and there it is.

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M R DucksM R knotM R sewCedar WingsWhale OilBeef HookedM R Ducks

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Psychiatrist: What's your problem?Patient: I think I'm a chicken.Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

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What do you call a Fly without wings?A walk.

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How do you make a Duck into a popstar?Put it into the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside."What's going on?" she yells out the window."Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.Within five minutes, however, it stops again.The woman sees the same conductor walk again.She leans out the window and yells, "What happened

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What do you call bears with no ears?B.

Funny Jokeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02902126657975086254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888666868022157474.post-28932535413254536962011-04-06T14:00:00.000-07:002011-04-06T14:00:01.075-07:00

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"The snail replies, "'S'

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A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

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Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines." pr0p3rty0fahaj0kes"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

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Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood.""We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.When he returns, he is covered

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The mail carrier had a registered letter that needed a signature for a party on his route. Receiving no response to his knock on the front door, he went around to the back door which he found open, except for the screen door. He knocked. A high pitch voice from inside said, "Come in."Upon entering the kitchen, he was confronted by the largest German Shepard he had ever seen. The dog bared his

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Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder

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A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.Mother: "What does the cow say?"Child: "Moo!"Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"Child: "Meow."Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

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Chinese man and a parrotA chinese man walks into a shop with a parrot on his shoulder, and the shopkeeper says, "Blimey, where did you get that?". And the parrot says, "China, there's loads of 'em there."Four hundred pound parrotWhat does a 400 pound parrot say?Polly wants a cracker, NOW!!!!!Two parrots on a perchThere were two Parrots on a Perch, and one says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"

Funny Jokeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02902126657975086254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888666868022157474.post-82148117773374724522011-03-28T14:00:00.000-07:002011-03-28T14:00:03.328-07:00

Why did the Lion lose at Poker?Because he was playing with a Cheetah.

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A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race

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Law of Cat InertiaA cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.Law of Cat MotionA cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.Law of Cat MagnetismAll blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the

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Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder

Funny Jokeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02902126657975086254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888666868022157474.post-5279430717953163032011-03-24T14:00:00.000-07:002011-03-24T14:00:03.123-07:00

The mail carrier had a registered letter that needed a signature for a party on his route. Receiving no response to his knock on the front door, he went around to the back door which he found open, except for the screen door. He knocked. A high pitch voice from inside said, "Come in."Upon entering the kitchen, he was confronted by the largest German Shepard he had ever seen. The dog bared his

Funny Jokeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02902126657975086254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888666868022157474.post-30248531194793673542011-03-23T14:00:00.000-07:002011-03-23T14:00:06.926-07:00

How do you identify a bald eagle?All his feathers are combed over to one side.

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A young man's mother was now living in Miami Beach and he didn't see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that his mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother. A few days later, he called."Ma, what do you think of the bird?""The bird was good, but a little tough.

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Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.Purrson: A male kitty.Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

Funny Jokeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02902126657975086254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888666868022157474.post-82991005294451058292011-03-20T14:00:00.000-07:002011-03-20T14:00:03.283-07:00

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.The city

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This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' ""That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary."The lady brings over her

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Three bulls, one large, one medium, and one small, were standing in the pasture and had just heard a rumor that the farmer had just bought a new, larger bull. The largest of the three said,"Well, he ain't getting none of my cows." The medium bull said,"He ain't getting none of my cows." The little bull said,"Well, if he ain't getting any of yours, them he sure as hell ain't getting one of mine."

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There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"The snail replies, "'S'

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A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to

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There was a really cute princess walking through the woods, and she heard a voice calling, "Hey Really Cute Princess!" She looked around and didn't see anyone but a frog. She started to walk on but the frog called again. "Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!"It had been a very boring day so she decided to give it a

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Bear and rabbitA big bear and little rabbit are taking a dump side by side in the woods. The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks. "Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies "no". So the bear wiped his bottom with the rabbit.Drunk rabbitA drunk rabbit goes through a wood. He bumps into a tree, and says, "Oh, i'm sorry". He goes farther, and bumps into another tree,

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(In Hindi Language, An Indian Language)Ek baar ek Totaa (Bole to Parrot) Ud raha tha full speed par.Uske saamne achanak full speed mein ek Ferrari aa rahi thi, dono ki takkar hui…Totaa behosh hoga ya, raste mein ek bhikari tha usne Totaa ko uthaya aur ghar le gaya.Usko marham lagaya aur pinjare mein rakh diya.Jab Totaa ko hosh aaya, usne apne aap ko pinjare mein dekha.Aur bola, “Aalia … JAIL ….

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A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!"The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!"The baby mole, still down in the

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Once upon a time there were a horse and a chicken who were good friends. They lived on a farmyard with lots of other animals and were very happy. One day, while they were playing near the farm's pond, the horse stepped into a hole of quicksand.The horse rapidly sank and was yelling for his friend, the chicken, to save him. The chicken thought for a minute, then ran away. The chicken ran back to

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Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe."Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?""Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--""I didn't ask for any

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A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he

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A father polar bear and a baby polar bear were walking across the ice when the baby polar bear said to his dad "Dad, am I part panda bear?" "No", replied his dad. "Well then, am I part brown bear?" Again his dad said no. A short time later the baby bear asked again, "Dad, maybe I'm part koala bear?" The father getting annoyed said, "look son, I'm a polar bear, your mums a polar bear. Why on earth

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Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with "Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor."What you need," he said, "is a female parrot too. I don't have one on

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A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business."I can see you, and so can Jesus!"The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the

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There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

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What's got two legs and bleeds?Half a dog.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to

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Once upon a time there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But the manure warmed him and

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A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?""No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

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A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To get away from Colonel Sanders!Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?A: Because it was a double-crosser.Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?A: To take over the other side.Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?A: To get to the other slide.Q: Why did the

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Where do you find a no-legged dog?Wherever you left him.

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A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search.Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot

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Hey Lady!A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same

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DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill

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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.Rottweiler: Make me!Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm

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This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center. One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft. They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator.Well, one day we got a service call that said, "Cat caught in machine, come quick!"When I arrived I

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